Project Natal Scoop!

Due to my past experience as a games journalist, I have been made privy to the following information, exclusive to the Cyclopean Encyclopedia. For your eyes only:

Project Natal Natal

That is not a typo. We have all seen the vociferous press releases, RSS feeds, web videos, etc. of Microsoft's exciting, new, technology: Project Natal. From up on high, people such as P-Middlyx, and James Cameron have declared their support for the project! ... Or is it expressing how much thicker their matresses have been in the past three weeks? Inquiring minds do not really want to know.

But forget all that!! Project Natal Natal comes through and breaks all expectations of future technology. Through the Natal interface, the gamer is presented with an in-game avatar of The Gamer, which can seamlessly be controlled through over 48 joints, flabby though as they may be. The setting is a unkempt room with modest furnishings, which has the Virtual Natal Console in it.

Through the Natal interface, the gamer can guide The Gamer to the Virtual Natal interface and begin play of a Virtual Natal Game, which is the greatest game of all time. The Gamer's fun level can easily be discerned through both an visual interface and audio cues such as:

• "Dude!"
• "Dude..."
• "Aw, Come ooooooon!"
• "I said I am coming in two minutes, Mom, leave me alone!!!"

People enjoying the deep and fulfilling gameplay of Project Natal Natal must pay careful heed to the Bladder, Bowel and Hunger meters, making the experience akin to playing that Will Wright masterpiece, The Sims. Microsoft has said not to worry as they have already started looking into addresssing the tedium of bodily functions within Project Natal Natal with unlockable DLC achievements items such as "The Diaper" and "Delivered Hot Pockets."

It is important to note that this project is still in early pre-alpha stages of development. Rest assured, your correspondent will deliver new information and screenshots as soon as they are available.